[Chapter 7] - The Eroded Soul

"I'm glad so, Ai-san." Risa responded with tinge of redness forming at her cheeks. "Will you wait here for me for a moment? I have something for you as well." Risa continued excitedly as she jumped up from her seat and dashed into the study room, slamming the door behind her.

Eri heard the slamming of the door, so she came out of the kitchen to check what had happened. She blinked her eyes confusingly when she found out that Ai was sitting alone in the living room. "Where's Risa? What happened?" Eri asked with the apron covering her shirt and spatula in her hand.

Ai shrugged her shoulders in response. (She said she got something for me and ran to that direction) Ai signed and pointed in the direction of the study room at the end.

"I see. . ." Eri trailed off as she walked into the living and sat beside Ai. "I never knew you were that close with Risa." Eri started off.

Ai blinked her eyes at Eri. (She didn't tell you?)

"Well she was really secretive for the past few weeks, where she had totally refused to tell me what happened." Eri answered. "But anyway, it's nice to see that you are friends with Risa. Don't mind her. She's really crazy at times and rude as well. Remember what she did to you the first time she met you? That's ridiculous! I never knew someone can do this kind of things just to hide from the other person." Eri snorted at the last part. "But she has a nice and beautiful soul." Eri continued with a wave of dreaminess flashing past her expression. "What's your impression of her?" Eri finished, waving off the past expression on her face and replaced it by her usual professional ones.

Ai smiled frivolously at the way Eri had described Risa. She too had noticed the changing emotions of Eri. 'Why is she reacting this way?' Ai thought as she stared at Eri with her serious expression.

"Don't be so tensed up. It's not consultation. Just relax, Ai-san." Eri ordered when she realised Ai was staring at her. "It's our private time."

(Yeah. So you should relax as well. You are tensed up as well.) Ai signed, making Eri to realise her 'professionalism' acts. Eri laughed as she relaxed.

Before Ai could answer Eri's question for her previously, Risa reappeared in the living room, with a posh purple box with blue ribbons in her hands. She sent a dangerous stare to Eri as she went over to the couch. "Aren't you supposed to be in the kitchen cooking?" Risa asked.

"Well, it requires some waiting time so here I am out here to join you. You mean I can't be out here? This is my apartment, for your information, Niigaki Risa!" Eri answered sarcastically, sticking out her tongue at Risa. "Are you afraid that I would say anything that was going to tarnish your image?" Eri taunted playfully.

Risa growled inaudibly as she narrowed her eyes at Eri. "Whatever!" Risa decided to let go, while she sat down on the other side of Ai. "For you. Congrats for your new job!" Risa congratulated in a soft and sweet voice as she placed the violet box into Ai's hands. Eri frowned at the sudden change in Risa's tone.

"You've found a job?" Eri asked surprisingly. 'Why is it that Risa knows you better than I do? Hmmm. Maybe I should reflect on my role as your counsellor.' Eri thought deeply.

(Thank you, Risa-san) Ai signed in situ with Eri's question for her. Ai then turned towards Eri. (Yes, I've gotten a job now. It's been a week.)

"Really? What are you working as now?" Eri continued asking, ignoring Risa's presence at that moment.

(I'm working as an admin assistant at a record label company.)

"And how's work so far?" Eri continued.

(Pretty good. The working staffs over there are really nice.) Ai replied with a smile.

"That's good! It's good to hear that you are adapting well into your new environment!" Eri praised as she patted Ai's shoulder encouragingly, smiling at the end.

(Thank you.)

Risa sat boringly at the other end of the couch as the conversation between Ai and Eri continued. Deciding that she will not going to stay silent anymore, Risa interrupted the conversation. "Hello? I am still here. It's now private personal time, which means to you Eri that it's not time to work and to you Ai-san that you do not need to listen to Eri's crap." And that had successfully earned the attention of both back to her. "Thank you." Risa commented comically as she smiled.

(Gomen.) Ai signed.

"Nah, you don't have to . .. " Risa reassured as she winked her eye to Ai. "Open up and see if you like it or not."

Ai nodded her head as she worked her hands through the ribbons, undoing them and opened the box with anticipation. And she stopped there, froze in her actions.

"Do you like it?" Risa asked again. Ai made no response. She just remained frozen, with her brows knitted.

"What's that?" Eri asked curiously as she peeked over Ai's shoulder. "Ah! That's beautiful. It's a nice watch!" Eri eulogised. "Good choice for that, Risa!"

In the box, it laid a iliac crystals aligned analogue watch. "I thought it fits you a lot. It felt like it would bring out your elegance if you wear it. And it fits your new job as well." Risa explained as she continued watching Ai. The stoned expression remained fixed on Ai's face. "You . . . don't like it?" Risa asked wearily.

'Tick tick tick tick tick. . . ' The tickling sound of the second hand of the beautiful watch echoed in Ai's ear.

'NO!' Ai dropped the box onto the floor and brought her hands to her ears, covering them. She shook her head violently as she closed her eyes. 'NO!'

'Tick tick tick tick . . . ' The sound of the antique clock echoed loudly in the empty room.

"Ai-san Daijoubu?" Eri asked with concern as she watched the sudden change in Ai's emotion. Ai continued shaking her head.

'No . . .' Little Ai thought as she watched her parents leaving the room.

The clock in the empty room continued, 'Tick tick tick tick . . .'

Risa stood frozen in her position, shocked at sudden agitation of Ai. Ai's body trembled in hysterical fits. Her hands remained at her ears. Her eyes shot open and stared directly at the watch in the box that was now on the floor once again. Her breathings was ragged and uneven. Her heart was beating at the abnormal speed.

'Tick tick tick tick . . . ' The huanting sound of the second hand continued ringing in her mind. Ai gulped down her saliva. She closed her eyes once again, allowing the tears to flow down as she shook her head more.

"Ai-san, Daijoubu?" Eri asked again. But Ai heard nothing of it. Her mind was only filled with the sound of the clock.

'Don't leave me . . .'

'Tick tick tick tick . . .' The stillness in the room. Nothing. Silence. Loneliness. Reality.

'Don't go . . .'

Ai squinted her eyes tightly. 'No . . . Go away . . .' Ai forced the thought into her mind. 'No . . . I don't want to remember . . . Go away . . . '

"Ai-san, daijoubu?" Eri asked the third time. But Ai would not budge. She was taking in deep heavy breaths, her whole body remained trembling the whole while. 'The watch!' Eri held onto Ai tight, preventing Ai from hurting her own self with the hysterical fits. She turned around and saw Risa remained at the same position, shocked and sad. "Risa!" Eri shouted out to Risa, pulling her out of her state of shock. "Cover the box, quick!" Eri ordered.

Risa scrambled over to the fallen box and covered it. She turned back and watched Eri cuddling Ai in an embrace. "Hush . . . Calm down " Eri coaxed. But it seemed like it had no effect on Ai. Ai remained struggling in Eri's embrace, wanting to break free from Eri's hold. Tears continued to flow down her flawless face. "Risa!" Eri called out helplessly. "Search her bag. See if there any medications in there." Eri ordered.

"Hai!" Risa stood up from her position on the floor and rushed towards the bag that was lying on the other couch. Risa rummaged the contents of Ai bag and found a sachet of white coloured pills. She ran back to Eri as showed her the pills. "Is it this one, Eri?" Risa asked anxiously, obviously worried about Ai's current state.

Eri ran her eyes across the drug description with her hands struggling to keep Ai in position. 'Tranquiliser.' Eri registered. "Yes. Give her two and water." Eri called."Wait no water. There's no way she can drink properly in her state now."

Risa nodded her head as she stuffed the two pills into Ai's mouth and messaged her throat gently, helping Ai to swallow the pills. Ai continued to struggled in Eri's arm until the medication's effect took place, where Ai finally stopped trembling and struggling, with the whole body relaxed, and her falling into sleep.

Eri heaved a sigh of tiredness. It felt like running rounds around a stadium battling with the stuggling Ai just to hold her in place. "Bring her to the room." Eri called out. Her arms were aching hurt right at that moment. Risa picked up Ai in the bridal style from Eri's arm and strode slowly back to her room. Once Ai was off Eri's arm, Eri immediately stretched out her hands to release the aching muscles. 'What was that? What triggered her to fall into such hysteric state? It wasn't written in the record that she had such mental instability.' Eri thought as she watched the retreating figure of Risa into the study room.

Risa was still in a state of astonishment. 'What happened to her? Was it my fault that she had fallen into this state of craziness?' Risa reflected as she looked Ai now peaceful face. "What happened to you?" Risa whispered out softly to Ai as she placed Ai down on her bed, covering the blanket over till her shoulders. Risa pulled off the rubber tie that was holding Ai's long hair in a pony tail, allowing the long hair to surge off the bed. Risa looked back one last time, with worries filling her eyes, before she left the room, closing the door after her.

Eri noticed that Risa was out of the room. It was obvious to Eri that Risa was extremely worried and upset for Ai as Risa just walked aimlessly without looking, knocking over the chair that was right in front of her. "Are you alright?" Eri concerned as Risa bent down to pick up the fallen chair.

Risa nodded her head in response. "I'm just shocked. It's . . . it's my first time watching her in such an agitation state." Risa confessed, walking towards Eri at the sofa and sat beside her. "What is wrong with her?"

"Risa. I don't know, truthfully, I don't know what had caused her to be in this state." Eri started out. Risa stared at Eri unbelievingly. "Even if I do know something, you know that I am not allowed to tell you anything, Risa. But this time round, I really do not know what had happened. I can only infer from the situation that it could be the watch that triggered the reaction. That's all. The rest, I am unsure as well." Eri finished.

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Eri sat at the comfy chair in her room after dinner, with her report file lying before her. Dinner was ate in silence. Not as much fun and laughter as they had expected previously. Risa barely ate anything. Eri stared blankly into the file. She was now totally lost about what she had to write in the report. 'This is getting more and more complicated. Just as I thought I knowing her better, another mystery popped up.' Eri heaved a deep breath.

She placed the file back on the table and leaned her elbow on it, resting her chin on her hand. 'What could have possibly triggered the hysteric reactions? She was pressing against her ears just now, isn't she? So it must be some sound. But what?' Eri continued analysing the situation.

'Wait.' Eri stopped at her thoughts. 'Right now, instead of discovering the reason why isn't Ai speaking, I'm thrown with another possible psychological problem. Could the two things be related?'

Eri sat up in attention and grabbed the books she had picked up from her study room. She flipped the pages feverishly until the page she had wanted to read. 'Aphonia - unable to speak.' She looked down the pages. 'Psychogenic Aphonia - unable to speak due to underlying psychological disorder or problems.'

'It could be this. It could be traumatic mutism. It's either or. But what was the thing that's eating up her soul, eating up her will to talk?' Eri thought in distress. 'I want to help her, but how? And Risa, she falling in deeper. I never knew the one she was contacting all along was Ai-san. If I knew . . .Even if I do know, what will I do? What will you do, Eri?' Eri asked herself.

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Risa kneeled at the side of her bed as she watched the peaceful sleeping face of Ai. 'You looked so different now. I'm glad that you are serene now. It hurts my heart to see that. . . What was in there that cause that, Ai-san? If you don't mind, my heart and soul are always open to hear them, to heal them, Ai-san. I think I really like you. Never in my life I had felt this way, the urge, the need to protect someone. But just now, all of my heart and soul wanted to hug you, to console you, to release you. But all that I was able to do at that point of time was to stand there and watch you.'

Risa laid her head on her hands, and slowly, she had fallen asleep beside Ai.

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Ai held on tightly to her mother's hand as they approached the kindergarten. She felt the grip of her mother's hand on hers loosen. Ai started to get frantic. She continued holding tightly on her mother's hand, unwilling to let go of them. She looked up to her mother's eyes, and shook her head frenetically, showing her mother that she would not want to go to school. She would not want to let go of her hands.

Ai's mother got down to the level of little Ai. "Ai-chan, it's nothing. It's just going to school. Mama's gonna be back to pick you up again when school ends, okay?" Ai's mother explained.

But Ai still held her grip tight on her mother's hand.

In her sleep, Ai started grabbing the nearest thing to her, which was Risa's hand. But Risa was already in a deep slumber that she allowed Ai to grab her hand without being awaken herself.

"Ai-chan." A third voice came over towards them. "There you go again, holding on to your mama hand and not letting go. That is not right." The teacher , the third voice, reasoned caringly to Ai. Ai looked at the teacher as she shook her head. "Come on, be a good girl. Just 3 hours, and your mama will be back to pick you up." The teacher continued as she held onto the other hand of Ai, causing Ai to let of her mother's hand. "Let's go . . ." The teacher coaxed as she pulled Ai to the direction of the kindergarten building.

Ai moved along with the teacher. But from time to time, she would looked back with tears in her eyes. Her mother was still there, waving to her goodbye, until she enters the building. 'Mama . . . is it really true that you will always be there when I come out from school?' Little Ai thought in her mind.

'No . . . She's gone. . . She's forever gone, Ai. She no longer wants you as her child. They are gone. They do not want you as their child. A child that could not speak. That's not what they want.'

'Mama? Papa? where are you all going?' Little Ai rubbed her eyes gently as she glanced at the door, watching her father carrying another little girl in his arm. She blinked her eyes innocently as she glared at the little girl in her father's hold. And she realised, the eyes of the little girl watching her.

Who are you . . .

Ai made a silent scream as she jolted up from her sleep. The sudden jolt woke Risa, who was resting her head on the bed while kneeling on the floor, up. She was still holding onto Risa's hand.

"What happened?" Risa asked with deep concern obvious in her voice even though she was awakened from her sleep rudely. Her concern for Ai had overrode everything Risa thought was important for her. "You okay?"

'What was that?' Ai was shocked by the clear eyes she had saw in her dreams just now. The images of her dreams were never clear. The images of her parents were never clear. The images of every details were never clear. To her, she had no memories how her parents look like. They were just blurry images to her. And for the first time, she had seen an clear image. The eyes. 'The eyes. They felt familiar. Are my dreams getting clearer? Would there be a chance that one day in my dreams, I would be able to see the faces of my parents?'

"Daijoubu, Ai-san?" Risa asked again, breaking the thought that was running in Ai's mind. Ai nodded her head, giving Risa's the assurance that she was fine. That was Ai realised that she was not in her room. She was in an unfamiliar surroundings. Then she recalled what had happened just now. "What happened?" Risa asked Ai.

(This is normal. It's my biological alarm clock. I wake up in this way every morning at 316AM. It's nothing new. Don't worry so much, Risa-san. And I'm sorry for destroying your celebration.) Ai explained briefly.

"It's alright, Ai-san." Risa reassured. Ai sat at her position, stoning out. Risa gazed intensively, battling her mind whether should she ask the question her heart wants to ask. "Ai-san. What happened just now?" Risa finally mustered enough courage to ask.

Ai shook her head in response. (It's nothing.)

Risa blinked at Ai, obviously knowing that Ai was lying to her. "It's better to share it with someone than keeping everything inside you, Ai-san." Risa advised, hoping that Ai would open up her heart to her.

But no. Ai shook her head more. (It's really nothing. You've worried too much.) Ai pulled the cover away from her and stood up from the bed. Risa stood up as well. (I think I'll better get going. Sorry for disturbing you, Risa-san. Send my apologies to Eri-san as well.) Ai walked towards the study table where her bag as on. Risa trailed behind after Ai.

"You don't have to leave, Ai-san. You can stay here until dawn comes." Risa informed.

Ai shook her head. (I have already disturb the two of you too much. You still need your sleep. It's better for me to go home.) Ai signed as she carried her bag. Then she saw the same purple box lying on the table as well. She bit her lips nervously as she picked up the box.

"Ai-san. It's alright if you don't like it. You don't have to accept it." Risa informed, knowing that the item inside the box could be the source of Ai's insanity.

Ai turned around and smiled at Risa. (No, I like it. It's a gift from you. How could I not accept it.) Ai smiled again, hoping that her smile would give Risa the assurance and clear the doubts. However, the smile only persisted for a second. She walked out of the room with Risa by her side now.

Risa frowned at Ai's action. 'Why is she acting this way. It was obvious that she was afraid of the item inside. Yet she's acting she's not. What is she hiding? What is the hurt inside? What is this invisible scar that no one can see?' Risa thought silently in her mind.

"But Ai-san, how are you going to go home? It's 3 am in the morning right now. There's no any available public transport for you to take home or anything. Just stay here." Risa reasoned as the both of them stepped into the living room, hoping that her reasoning would stop Ai from leaving and take her idea of staying back at Eri's apartment.

(It's alright. I can walk home.) Ai explained as she walked towards the main door.

Risa was shocked at the answer Ai gave. 'Walk home? Alone at this time?' She shook her head lightly, shaking the thought off her mind. "I will walk you home then, Ai-san." Risa suggested. 'I won't let you walk home alone, Ai-san.'

(It's alright, Risa-san. I'm alright being alone. You need to sleep. You have vocal training lessons later in the day, don't you? You'll need your sleep. Thank you for your invitation over today. Even though I've pretty much ruin everything. Thank you for everything, Risa-san. Thank you for your care and concern as well. I really should make my move. Help me inform Eri-san as well.) Ai signed quickly. When she had finished signing, she opened the main door and left the apartment, leaving Risa and her unspoken words back alone in the living room.

'Ai-san, is it this loneliness that you got yourself accustomed to, make you push people out of your world?' Risa thought sadly as she watched the door closed after Ai.