[Chapter 21]

Risa dropped onto the floor, with her face facing the ground. 'Is this Niigaki Ai the same Ai that I knew?' Risa closed her eyes, and tried to focus on her broken memory. 'I can't remember a thing . . . I can't remember a thing!' Risa cried in her mind. Pulling her mobile phone, she worked her fingers to call a familiar number.

"Sorry, this is the voicemail box of Kamei Eri. I am currently unavailable at the moment. Please leave your name and number after the tone such that I can get back to you. Thank you . . . . Beep. " Risa hands trembled as the voicemail message ended. 'Eri . . . I am scared. I don't know what to do . . . I am lost. . . Tell me, what should I do?'

Not long after, just as she was not forcing herself to remember, another flash of memory flooded her mind.

'What had happened in between this? Why had I lost my memory? If I'm not the biological daughter of Papa, Mama, then where is my real Mama? Where is she?' Another worrying question came into Risa's mind, intensifying the work at her tear gland, and too, causing her chest to tighten more.

"Oji-san ? Where's my mama? Have you found my mama? Is she going to pick me up from here soon ?" Little Risa asked as she stood at the dining area, having just reached home from kindergarden.

"Little one, haven't I told you not to call me Oji-chan? It's okay for you to call me Papa." Retora changed the topic little Risa had posted.

"Oji-san, you are not my Papa, nor Oba-san is my Mama. Why are you asking me to call Oji-san, Oba-san, Papa Mama?" The tiny bean reasoned, as she tilted her head. "Beside, you haven't answered my question." She continued with a pout on her face.

"Why not little one, you will go and catch your bath first, and I will answer your questions later?" Retora suggested.

"Really?" A smile beamed on Risa's face."Ittekimasu!" With that, Risa ran up the stairs, and off to the bathroom to take her bath.

Risa filled the bath tub with warm water, undressed herself and hopped into the water. 'The faster I am done with my bath, the faster I will know when Mama's gonna to fetch me up!' Little Risa analysed in her mind. And in the middle of her bath, she heard shoutings from the dining room the level below the bathroom.

"WHAT ABOUT AI-CHAN? YOU HAD THOUGHT ABOUT THE GIRL'S FEELING TO KNOW THAT HER MOTHER HAD COMMITTED SUICIDE, THEN WHY HAVEN'T YOU GIVEN A THOUGHT ABOUT AI-CHAN? HER UNABILITY TO TALK DOESN'T MEAN SHE DO NOT HAVE ANY FEELINGS, ANATA!" The shouting of the female was echoed into the bathroom, loud and clear.

'Mama committed suicide? Mama's dead? That's not what Oji-san had told me. . .' Little Risa wondered.

"Will you listen to me? Can you understand my situation, at the pressure the director board is giving me. They had been questioning me about the economic growth about the company and the media's attention on MY daughter! How am I suppose to tell the world that my own daughter is mute?! Wouldn't you feel ashamed about it, Honey?" The conversation continued.

Standing up from the bathtub, not bothering to dry herself or anything, Risa dressed herself up again in the soiled uniform she had wore previously and ran out of the bathroom, down the stairs and back to the living room.

"Why would I be? She's my own flesh and blood and - " Renni explanation was stop by the sudden appearance of a third party in the room ."Risa-chan, What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be taking your bath. Why haven't you dried yourself up? You are going to catch a cold staying wet in the winter, do you know that?" Renni moved closer to the little girl.

"Mama's dead?" Little Risa asked with tears in her eyes. "Is my Mama dead?" Risa asked again, this time round making eye contact with the adults in the room.

The two adult looked away from Risa's teary eye. Reading the atmosphere, Risa had gotten her answers, even though both Retora and Renni had said nothing. Risa turned around and headed towards the main door of the Kyoto house, and ran as fast as her short legs could bring her to, and out of the house.

'Mama . . . . ' The bean hugged her knees closed to herself as she found a secluded place and flopped down onto the ground. 'Mama . . . ' Her body shivered as a cold gust of wind blew by. And soon before she knew it, she had lost her conscious.

 Tears began to drip from Risa's eyes and down on the dust covered floor.

'My real mama's dead?' The shocking revelation deluged her mind. 'Papa Mama's real daughter, Niigaki Ai is a mute? Was that the reason they left that onee-chan in the house?' Could this Ai and the Ai I knew the same Ai?' Picking up the photo through the sea of broken glass, Risa brought it near to her face once again. 'There's a resemblance in the photo . . . The eyes . . . It's her . . . It is the Takahashi Ai that I knew . . . Am I the one who had caused all the misery she had been suffering all these years?'

(Tell them, they will not have strings tied with someone who can't talk. I'm leaving, Risa. Sorry for stepping into your life. Perhaps . . .Things would be better if we have not met in the first place. You're their perfect daughter. Be there. Don't disappoint them.)

The last memory Risa had with Ai came flooding into her mind. 'She had knew who am I. She knew . . . Papa Mama left her because she can't talk, and she knew it. Why didn't I notice the hurt she had in her eyes at that time, Risa, WHY? I'm not the perfect daughter they had. You are way more perfect that who I was, Ai-san . . .'The lonesome figure of Risa began to tremble as she let out soft sobs.

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Eri poked the food that was placed before her with the fork in her right hand, while her left hand supported her chin on the table. 'Why had things gone so complicated? What should I do now? Oji-san and Oba-san were the parents who had abandoned Ai-san . . . What am I suppose to do now? More than half of me is wanting to go back to Kyoto right away to confront them, while the rest . . . it's with Ai-san . . . What would possibly occur if I do that in impulsion. . . How? What am I suppose to do? On a regular basis, I would be pleased if my patient had decided to open up and confine in my about the things what were eating them . . . But right now, a part of me wished that I knew nothing of this. . . What am I supposed to do, now that Risa is totally involved in this all these while.' Eri thought in frustration as she continue to give the piece of meat before her a few more hard pokes.

"Anything in your mind that you can share with me?" A distinct voice interrupted Eri's flow of thought, causing Eri to lift her chin from the left hand and focus on Miki who was seated across the table.

"Hmmm." Eri shook her head and tried to bring a smile on her face before continuing. "Nothing."

"But your face said the otherwise, Eri-san" Miki insisted, as she placed her utensils on the table and looked straight into Eri's eyes. "If it's nothing about work, you can always share it with me. You should know this the best, Eri-san. Keeping everything to yourself is definitely not the best way of solution. Even though I may not be able to be of any help, but just saying it out, it would make yourself feel slightly better."

Eri let out a heavy sigh. "Am I that obvious?"

"You had 'Something is troubling me' all written over on your face, Eri-san." Miki replied, hoping that little joke would cheer Eri up.

Eri bit onto her lower lips and sunk into silence once again. 'How can I tell her? It do involve a client of mine . . . But . . .Can Ai-san be exclusively considered as a patient in the clinic?' Eri sighed deeply again.

"Eri-san?" Miki called out.

"So? Care to share what's on your mind?" Miki asked again.

"Well . . . Let's say, pretending that you are in my position, and one of your patient had finally opened to you after a long period of time. But what your patient told you had actually involved one of close friend of yours for many years, what would you do?" Eri put her words rhetorically, trying her best not to include any names that would include the identity of the patient.

"There's nothing much we can do, Eri-san. For that if it's your patient, it's her own personal issues. There's no rights for us to intervene into the situation, even though it had involved your best friend. There's a lot of things that we do not know as an outsider in the situation. Trying to intervene the situation would lead to an opposite result. The only little thing we could do is to just stay by their side, supporting them when they need the support. And knowing Ai-chan for years, I believe the thing she needs the most is support by the side rather than any interventions." Miki tried to explain her reasoning.

"You knew who I was talking about?" Eri asked in shock when Miki included Ai's name in the last sentence.

"It's pretty obvious who you are talking about, Eri-san." Miki answered with a playful smile on her face.

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Risa ran out of the old and deserted home of the Niigaki and back to the streets. 'Why me? Why was I the one who had caused the sufferings Ai had endured all these years. WHY?!' Risa screamed out in her mind as her feet took her back to the city center. Nightfall had arrived and the street was once again filled with people who were making their way back to their respective home. Risa slowed down her speed and began sifting through the packed road. 'Even though there are so many people on this street, why am I feeling so lonely inside? Was this the loneliness that Ai had felt all these years.' Tears had made their way down Risa's face with Risa's consent. 'Where can I go now? Home? But where's my home? That's not my home to begin with. That's not my parents to begin with. That's Ai's. Her parents, her home. And I had brutally taken away them from her. How can I face her again?'

Risa pulled out her mobile phone from her backpack. 'What can I do now? It's all my fault . . . Ai would not want to see me. She would not want to hear any of my explanations. Or do I even have any good explanations for taking her parents away from her? And all these while, I had been complaining about my life with her parents, when it was me who had took her parents away from her. . . ' As Risa wandered past a trashcan, she threw her phone into it in an easy hand. 'There's no reason for me to keep the phone . . . No more reason for me to do that . . .'

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Ai stood by the window side and had her stare on the empty dark yard of the hospital. 'I missed her voice . . . I haven't heard her voice for a month. . . The gentleness of her voice that has always been comforting me . . .'

*Knock Knock*

Ai turned away from the window to face the door, only to see her doctor-in-charge entering into the room.

"Takahashi-san, how are you doing?" Ishikawa Rika, the clinical psychiatrist of Ai, asked.

Ai blinked her eyes once at Rika, acknowledging Rika's presence in the room before turning back to the scenery outside the window.

"Do you want to go out there?" Rika asked as Ai turned her back towards herself. Ai did not reply Rika. Instead, she stood stationary at her position, with her all of her attention given to the night sky high above.

'For some reason . . . The stars no longer appear in the night sky . . .' Ai reflected sadly within her heart.

"Takahashi-san?" Rika called again.

Turning over slowly, Ai came to face Rika once again. Rika pulled a smile on her face before continuing. "I have discussed with the team. We all had agreed that Takahashi-san, your condition regarding the withdrawal effects from the tranquiliser, had greatly improved. We had came to the conclusion to discharge you tomorrow. You must be looking forward for this. It's been a full whole month since you are admitted in here."

Ai nodded her head lightly at the information before turning back to the window. 'Do I ? What am I suppose to do after I am discharged? I can't possibly go back to the label management to work. The news is all over the papers . . .'

"I will inform Kamei-san about this as well. I will come in again tomorrow, Takahashi-san. Have a good night. I'll make my leave." Rika finished. She turned and headed towards the closed door. Placing her hand on the handle, Rika turned back to look at Ai for the one last time, only to catch Ai nodding her head, responding to her words. 'That's good . . .At least she had finally began to respond to the people surrounding her.' Satisfied with her decision, Rika exited the room.

Ai turned back as she heard the sound of the closing door. She got away from the window side and back to her bed, where she climbed onto it like a little child would. 'I really missed her voice. . . ' Ai's heart ached at that thought. 'Is she really that special in my life? I had knew her for less than half a year . . . No . . . But . . . Why? ' Feelings of confusion attacked Ai, causing Ai to let off a sigh of frustration as she was unable to settle down her mind. The phone by her side table caught her attention. 'Why did this appear?' Beneath the phone was a piece of paper. Picking both the phone and paper up, Ai brought them towards her.

Ai-san.

Sorry to leave without telling you. You were finally calmed down and deeply asleep. I do not want to disturb your sleep. I promised, I won't tell any word to Risa nor to confront Oji-san, Oba-san. I bought you a new phone with a new number since you destroyed your phone last night. I thought you would still need it. Anyway, I'm running late in meeting Miki-san, so, I will see you again tomorrow!

Eri

Placing the paper back to the side table, Ai focused all of her attention on the small device in her grip. Moving her finger through the number pad, Ai dialled in a familiar number. 'How did I managed to remember her number by heart?' And when Ai was done keying in the number, she stopped. 'Should I ? It's a new number isn't it? I really want to hear her voice . . . Just once . . . before I decide to . . .' Licking her lips nervously, Ai mustered the courage she needed and pressed the green button on the gadget and brought it to her ears.

"Trrruuuu trruuuuuu . .  ." The ringing started. Butterflies started dancing in Ai's stomach. 'I will hang up the phone once she answer. Just one word, one word will do . . .' Ai decided. But the moment she anticipated did not come.

"You have reach the mailbox of Niigaki Risa and this means that I am currently busy and unable to answer your call. If you have something that you need to tell me, please try calling me at a later time. If not you can also chose to leave a message behind. But please be sure that you name yourself properly. Thank you."

The recording of the voicemail started, and Ai had yet to hang up the phone. 'I guess . .. This is good enough for me . . .'

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"Thank you for sending me home, Miki-san. Do you want to come in for a drink?" Eri asked as she entered her apartment with Miki standing by the main door.

"You are welcome. It's my pleasure to do that, Eri-san. Ah. It's alright. I guess I can survive without the drink." Miki replied, and ended with a jokingly laughter. "Anyway, don't worry too much about the situation between Ai-chan and your best friend. Things will get better for sure, it's just the matter of time."

"Hai. Thank you, Miki-san. Really, I thank you for today." Eri expressed.

"You don't have to thank me." Miki replied with a smile. "I will see you in the office on Monday." Miki finished with a wink before turning around and proceeding towards the elevator.

"I will see you in the office on Monday too, Miki-san."

Closing the main door, Eri allowed herself to flop down the couch in the living room, with her handbag by her side. Remembering that she had not switched on her phone after leaving the hospital, Eri fumbled her hands into her bag and picked the phone out of it, switching on the phone once again.

"Two missed call and 1 voice mail message?" Eri read out the notifications on the main screen. 'Who?' Eri wondered. Dialling the number for her voice mailbox, Eri brought the phone to her ear as she continued to laze in an unfeminine way on the couch.

"Hi Kamei-san, This is Ishikawa Rika over here. I just wanna to inform you that Takahashi-san can be discharge from the hospital tomorrow. Please do be here in the hospital so that I can discuss with you about some recommended follow up sessions. I will see you tomorrow then. Have a good day, Bye." Eri sat up in attention. 'Ai-san can be discharge from the hospital, that's a good news!'

Hanging up the call. She began to work through the buttons on her phone, checking the identity of the missed calls.

'Risa called me?' Eri noted silently.