[Chapter 5] - The Walk Down the Memory Lane (2)

Ai walked into the backyard after her session with Miyuki and saw Risa, playing happily, enthusiastically with the  children.

"I've got you!" Risa declared as she slid her arms under one of the little boy's armpit and carried him up, turning into circles, allowing the legs to fly freely in the air. Sound of giggles could be heard from the children. Once Risa had place the boy back on the ground, the other children began to surround Risa, wanting to experience the same encounter the boy had.

"Alright alright. One by one, we will go flying! Flying! Flying!" Risa shouted excitedly as she picked up another girl.

Miyuki came out as well and stood by Ai's side, watching the jovial scene of them.

(You're not joining them?) Ai signed.

"I - I don't know." Miyuki replied.

(What's stopping you?) Ai asked.

Miyuki lifted her right arm and pointed to the direction of Risa. "She - I haven't - seen her before. Not comfortable." Miyuki replied in segments, still not very confident in her speech.

(Daijobu, Miyuki-chan. She's my friend. She's really kind. I promise. Go join them.) Ai urged, pushing Miyuki slightly forward to the back yard. Miyuki then trailed very slowly towards the crowd. Whereas for Ai, she moved towards the fences on the side of yard and leaned against them, and stayed at that position, watching Risa enjoying herself with the children. 'Why did I even brought her here in the first place . . . I've only known her for like a day? Why did I did so then?' Ai thought as she furrowed her eyebrow deeply, thinking back about her decision to bring Risa to her home for volunteering.

Risa noticed Miyuki trailing over. She went over to Miyuki and pulled her up in the air. “Do you wanna join the game? I can bring you fly up high in the sky! And trust me, I will never drop you, never in my life.” Risa assured.

Abe walked to Ai’s side, elated. “I haven’t seen these smile on these children for a long time. It’s been a long time ever since these children enjoyed themselves. She’s really amazing, isn’t she?” Abe asked rhetorically , looking at Ai.

Ai looked back questionably at Abe. She blinked her  eyes, not fully understanding what Abe was trying to meant in the last part of her sentence. 'Yes. . . We can never be able to smile so freely, after being thrown straight into the face the fact why are we even here. We can never lived normally . . . never . . . not for me . . . '

“I’m just making a senseless statement, don’t mind me, Ai-chan.” Abe finished as she stepped closer to the crowd. “Kids, it’s time for lunch! Get in and wash up and assemble at the dining hall in 10 minutes time.” Abe ordered.

“Hai!” The children responded before turning around to Risa. “Arigatou, Nee-chan!” And all of them lugged at Risa, causing Risa to move backwards by the force.

“Dou-ita-shima-shite”  Risa struggled to say with the children surrounding her, choking her breath.

With that, the children ran back to the cottage with Miyuki standing alone back looking at Risa.

“What’s wrong, Miyuki-chan? Is it okay for me to call you Miyuki-chan?” Risa kneeled down to the level, and asked in cutesy tone.

“A-riga-tou, Nee-chan” Miyuki made up after long periods of silence and ran away straight after she spoke.

‘She spoke to me?’ Risa was surprised. Risa looked around her and realised she stood alone in the yard. Then she noticed Ai at the fences. Risa jogged over to the fences. “Since when are you here?”

That was when Ai realised that Risa was covered with sweat all over her face. Fresh volume of sweat continues to drip down her sideburns. {Since Miyuki came over.} Ai replied.

“This is so warm!” Risa complained as she took off her trench coat and hung it over the fence while she climbed over the fence and sat at the edge of the fence. “AAHH! I can’t stop perspiring!” Risa whined. Ai laughed silently at Risa’s statements, causing Risa to look at her with her narrowed eyes playfully. “What are you laughing at?”

{I told you, it’s going to be warm in the afternoon. But I didn’t expect you to complain about it.} Ai typed and showed Risa.

“You – You –“ Risa was left speechless. She could not come out with words to counter Ai and that caused Ai to laugh even more. Risa looked straight at Ai and as time passed, she realised that she was staring at her. Too much for someone she had known for less than 24 hours. Ai turned and look straight into Risa's, realising that Risa was staring blankly at her. Ai waved her hands before Risa, getting Risa back into the reality.

{You okay? You were spacing out.}

"Yah, I'm alright. I was just thinking about some things." Risa replied, glancing away from Ai. Ai tilted her head slightly when she waited for Risa to continued with her words. "I - I want to thank you. Thank you for bring me here."

{You don't have to thank me.} Ai shook her head and typed into her phone.

"I'm serious. Besides being thankful, I guessed I have to say sorry to you." Risa continued, glazing straight at the grass on the ground, watching them swivelled as the wind brushed pass them.

{Why were you sorry?}

"I was complaining to you about my family yesterday when you - " Risa started and stopped at the sensitive word that both Ai and herself knew what it was. "I felt so guilty for doing that. Really." Risa picked off where she had stopped and continued. She glanced sideway to Ai's direction and managed to catch a tear sliding off the corner of Ai's eye. Risa fought the urge within her. Her heart winced. She raised up her hand a little further, wanting to wipe off the tear. But she stopped. She stopped when Ai started to pick up her phone and type in it.

{You don't have to be sorry, Risa-san. You didn't know about it.} Ai replied, trying to wipe off her tears without Risa noticing.

"So, do you always come here and volunteer?" Risa asked, hoping that changing the topic would help to stop Ai's tears.

{When I'm free, yes. The kids here need help in their work. That's the best that I can do for them.} Ai replied.

 A comfortable silence filled in the moments between them. 'I wish I can know more of her. I wish I can understand her more. Why am I feeling this way. Why do my heart hurts when I caught her tearing? Compassion? Empathy? What is this warm fuzzy feeling that is growing?' Risa thought in the silence period. She turned around and stole a few more glances of Ai, observed Ai's glaze towards the horizon far away.

"Ai-san?" Risa called out. Ai took a few seconds to react before she direct her glance at Risa. "I - About you - I heard from Abe-san about your story." Risa stuttered to voice out her point. "How did you ended up - here? Did - your parents -- " Risa struggled to asked these questions and she halted at the last one and ended self debating herself whether that question was appropriate or not. 'Isn't it too straight out front to ask that? Risa! What have you been thinking?'

{I don't remember. And it does not matters to me anymore.} Ai lied. "Let's go hun. She's not our daughter anymore." Ai shut her eyes as the voices from her dreams echoed in her mind. 'Go away. I don't want to remember any of these events. Go away.' Ai though as she tried to block any more familiar haunting voices and images from her nightmare every night to surface.

"Ai-san, Daijobu ka?" Risa asked as she scooted in closer to Ai while still seated in the rim of the fence. That action caused the trench coat Risa had hung on the fence to drop onto the ground

Ai's eyelids flipped open immediately when she heard the impact of the dropping of the coat. She sensed that Risa was right beside her. {I'm alright.}

"If - you're not - comfortable in talking about this topic, we can - don't. " Risa stated thoughtfully. Her voice was filled with gentleness, overflowing that Risa could not recognise that that was her voice.

Ai nodded her head. She then bent down to pick up the trench coat Risa had dropped previously. She felt the coat vibrating. {Risa-san, I think your phone is ringing} Ai typed and showed Risa as she passed the coat to Risa.

"Really?" Risa asked no one in particular as she began to search the pockets of the coat for her phone. She pulled out the phone from the right pocket and placed it beside her ear, pressing the answer key. "Hello, this is Niigaki Risa speaking."

Eri sat up in attention in her chair when Risa answered the call."BAKA!" Eri blasted into the receiver of the phone, causing Risa shut her eyes from the loud scream directly into her ear drum on the other end. Risa in an instance jerked the phone away from her ear. She shook her head lightly, hoping that the ringing sound that was echoing in her ear drum would go away by that action. Meanwhile, the Eri continued blabbering through the receiver. "YOU HAVE FINALLY DECIDED TO ANSWER YOUR STUPID PHONE." The voice was blasting such that Ai could hear at her position, considering the wide distance between her and the phone.

"Man, Eri, calm down. Don't shout into the phone. I do not want to turn deaf at such a young age. I still have a competition to compete in." Risa answered, while pulling the phone nearer back to her ear, but still maintaining the safe distance.

"How am I suppose to calm down when someone had decided to play missing since early this morning?" Eri retorted, obviously still angry with Risa's delay in answering her phone. "Where have you been? Are you really that busy to answer my call? I was so worried about you! I was so shock to find your room empty this morning! I was so worried that you were been kidnapped home again. It's not like you will wake up earlier than me." Eri rabbit on, not giving a chance for Risa to interrupt her.

"Erm Eri?" Risa started out to get Eri to stop her babbling. "Hello?" Risa called out the second time, but still, Eri continued her words. "Meme-CHAN!" It's Risa's turn to scream into the speaker. That caused Ai to look up at Risa at her over-reacted reaction. It also made Eri to quieten down on the other end of the line. "Finally." Risa heaved out softly. "I'm sorry for not informing you that I'll be going out today. Sorry for getting you so worried for me. I'll treat you dinner tonight to make up for it, alright?" Risa continued.

"Where are you anyway, Risa? What took you so long to answer the call? I've made at least 15 calls to your phone and all I get from it was your stupid mailbox message. Are you really that busy? I thought you have nothing to do until your audition. So what are you doing and where are you now?" Eri asked as she leaned back again the backrest of her chair.

"I -  I'm out with a friend. My phone was in the vibration mode."  Risa explained.

"Friend?" Eri repeated with a raised eyebrow. "What friend? Do I know him or her?"

"Why do you want to know?" Risa countered, not willing to let Eri know who she had went out with.

"You are acting really weird, Risa, since last night . . ." Eri analysed. Eri wanted to enquire further, but was stopped by the beeping sound of the intercom. "You wait for a moment. Don't you dare hanging up my call." Eri threatened Risa before picking up the office phone. "Yes, Fujimoto-san?"

"Eri-san, Yuni-san has arrived. Are you ready to have her in?" Miki asked.

"Yes please." Eri ordered as she placed the receiver back to its position. She then pulled her mobile to her ear. "I'm busy. You are not going to get away from this. See you at lesson tonight." With that, Eri hung the phone on Risa, leaving Risa shocked at the other end of the line. Risa shook her head innocently as she thought, 'Who was the one who said 'Do not hang up the call' ? '

{Eri-san?} Ai asked politely even though she had heard herself the loud voice of Eri previously.

"Yupps. Isn't that obvious?" Risa joked as she slid her phone back to the pocket she took it out from. "There's only one person in my life, except for my parents, who dares to scream at me this way." Risa informed as a small smile creped across her face.

{She cares a lot for you, I can see that.} Ai commented, with slight envy in her, for Risa had such a best friend who cared for her being truly deep in her heart, being able to crack out the funny and playful personality of Risa.

Risa read the sentence as Ai typed into her phone. She smiled softly. "I know and I'm grateful for her. Eri seemed like the only friend that I had in my life. Many had come in, many had left. She's the only one who stayed in."

Ai looked questionably at Risa. {What do you mean by many had came in, many had left?}

Risa looked sadly into Ai's eyes. "They all fell short of my parents' expectation of being my friend. So they were asked to leave my life forever." Risa explained melancholy. "Eri persevered on, and she underwent what I had been through to stay in my life, since I was 5, where my memory starts. I'm thankful for that. She could choose to let go but she held on." Risa finished.

"Ai-chan!" Abe shouted from inside the cottage out to the backyard, interrupted the ongoing conversation to get the attention of the both. "Can you come in and help? They are getting all over me right now." Abe asked.

(Hai!) Ai signed back before turning back to Risa. {Let's get going.}

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Eri set her attention on Risa who was seated beside in class, listening attentively to the teacher's teaching ahead. 'Something's definitely wrong with her. First she took my sign language book, then today, she's actually listening to lessons. And she was the one who complained the whole month about coming to sign language classes with me. What's up with her ?' Eri thought as she continued watching Risa.

Risa on the other hand had her attention on the teacher. But her mind was somewhere else. Her mind was set back when she left the orphanage earlier on for lessons, the last word that Ai told her.

 {Risa-san, even though your parents may be harsh on you and the people around you, never lose faith. It's because they cared about you. It's because you're their daughter and they wanted the best for you. You are considered fortunate than any of us here, because there's always someone there for you, be it your parents, or even Eri-san.}

The words lingered around her mind, bringing back her childhood memories

"Risa-chan! Over here!" Renni, Risa's mother called out to young Risa in the park.

Risa ran over to her mother, puffing slightly. She smiled gleefully at her mother, who started running through a towel against her forehead till the back of her head.

"Look at you, you are perspiring so much. Are you feeling hot or thirsty? Do you want to drink anything?" Renni asked lovingly.

"I want ice-cream! One for Meme-chan as well." Risa chirped.

"Alright, I'll go get them. Promise you won't run faraway, alright?"

"Hai! Kaa-san, arigatou!" Risa yelped before running back to the playground once more.

A teary Risa, hugging her pillow,  stood at the door of her parents' bedroom door. She opened the door slowly and peeped in. Renni saw Risa through the ajar door.

"Yes, Risa-chan?" Renni asked as she sat up on the bed.

"I - " Risa started while tightening her grip on the pillow, burying her chin into the pillow. "I - had a nightmare. "Risa spoke into the pillow, muffling the words. Though that, her parents could pretty much made up what Risa had just said.

"Come over, Risa." Retora ordered as he moved to the edge of the bed, leaving a space between him and Renni. "Sleep here."

Risa climbed onto the tall bed, settled her pillow in the center and lay down. Renni cuddled Risa in her embrace. "Sweet dreams now, honey." Renni coaxed while Risa closed her eyes, falling asleep in her mother's warm embrace.

The lesson had ended. Eri stood up from her position and prepared to leave. That was when she realised that  Risa was still in the same position as she was half an hour ago. Eri waved her hands in front of Risa, trying to get her attention. Still, Risa made no reaction.

Risa remained in her position, overwhelmed by the memory she remembered. 'I have long forgotten about all these times. And I knew was to be bitter about my life now that I forgot how they loved me all these while. Risa's heart felt fuzzy at the lost memory. A hard pat on her shoulder brought her back to reality. "Ouch!" Risa screamed out as her shoulder stings. She turned her attention to Eri who was standing beside her. "What's that for?" Risa demanded.

"Lessons had ended and you are still listening to the teacher I see." Eri stated sarcastically. "Just as I thought for once you are listening to lessons, you proved me wrong, Risa. How disappointing was that. You are just pretending to listen while stoning out." Eri shook her head cynically while Risa stood up from her seat and turned to the other entrance. "Hey! Wait for me!" Eri called out when she realised that Risa was no longer at her original position.

"Hurry up Meme-chan, I'm hungry!" Risa replied. Eri, in her heels, jogged beside Risa and walked beside her. "What do you wanna to eat? I said I will treat you for dinner tonight."

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"Risa." Eri called out as she knocked against her study room's door. "Can I come in?"

"Yes!" Risa shouted out. She sat on her bed, hugging her pillow as she rested her chin in it.

Eri entered the room and went over to Risa's bed and sat at the side, facing Risa face to face. "Risa, are you alright?"

Risa blinked innocently at Eri's question. "Why is that so? Why are you asking this? I alright, I'm pretty sure." Risa replied, giving Eri the assurance that she was fine.

'She's definitely hiding something.' Eri thought in her mind as she observed Risa who was rocking back and forth while hugging her pillow and eyes glancing at the mobile phone which laid slightly before her.  "Ah, can I borrow your phone for a while?" Eri asked suddenly as she reached out for the phone, not waiting for Risa to agree on. Before she could grab the phone, Risa won her in it.

"What are you going to do with my phone?" Risa asked cautiously, looking at Eri suspiciously. It was obvious to Risa Eri's intention to borrow her phone.

"I'm just curious what had gotten to you these two days. You are acting really weird."  Eri replied truthfully and bluntly, pouting a little in the process for the fact that she had lost Risa in speed.  "Be truthful, what had happened to you these two days?" Eri continued as she tried to reach for the phone in Risa's hand

"I - " Risa started and paused for a moment. 'Should I tell her?'  She turned and felt Eri's glaze on her. "I - It's just that I had some slight reflection of my life. How fortunate am I all these while as compared to many other in this city, yet I'm oblivious of it." Risa recalled without saying who made her had such revelation. The sudden seriousness in Risa's tone caused Eri to stop what she was doing and looked seriously at Risa as well.  "And the missing memories . . . Before I was 5. . . "

"Risa . . ." Eri started off, but Risa interrupted her.

"I guess that what's people always say 'you never know what you have until you saw what others do not have' . " Risa finished.

"That's true." Eri agreed while looking at Risa with an indescribable  expression. "That's life, isn't that?" Eri asked rhetorically while patting on Risa's head. "Whereas for the missing memories . . . I'm sure one day, you will have them back. Why ponder so much about that when the time for you to remember is not up?" Eri advised.

"Hmmm. hmmm." Risa nodded her head.

"So, who did you went out today?" Eri questioned, resulting in a shock face from Risa. "You thought you have successfully digressed my attention away from the topic, didn't you? Too bad for that, Risa. I've known you too well for that." Eri taunted. "If you don't say, I will just need to find the answers for myself." Eri continued, holding Risa's phone in her hand in a victorious way. She had managed to slip out the phone out of Risa's grip when Risa was immersed into her world of emotions.

"NO!" Risa screamed out as she pounded forward to Eri. Eri escaped by standing up from the bed and ran to the other corner of the room.

"Are you saying? If you are not, I'm going to  . . ." Eri started, pressing some buttons on Risa's phone, looking at Risa evilly.

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"Ai-chan! How was school today? Did you talk to your friends today?" The same lady asked lovingly as little Ai entered the house.

Ai looked up to her mother and shook her head lightly.  She could sense the disappointment in her mother when she shook her head.

"It's alright dear." Ai's mother kneeled down and pulled Ai in an embrace. "Take your time. We are not in a rush." Her mother smiled gently at Ai, who made a small attempt to smile as well.

{Where's Papa. Ai has not seen Papa for days.} Ai wrote down on a piece of paper and showed her mother.

"Papa's working outside the city. He should be back soon." Her mother smiled lightly. "Come on girl, go wash up and prepare for dinner." Her mother urged with Ai just nodding her head.

"Where have you been all these while?" Ai could hear her mother shouting out loud in her light sleep. Ai stirred from her sleep and opened her eyes. She did not got off her bed, but remained awake listening to the commotion in her parents' room

"At work. The company needs me to be there." The male voice replied.

"You do not need to work till so late at night, didn’t you? Ai-chan's asking for you for days. What should I tell her?" Her mother argued.

"She's a mute! I can’t accept that."

"She's not honey! The doctors said that Kou-chan can speak! There's nothing wrong with her vocal cords. She's not a mute, do you understand?" Her mother retaliated.

"Still, she hadn't made a cry in her life. I'm can't dear, it's hard to accept her. I do not know how to communicate with her, how to deal with her."

Little Ai laid in her bed, with tears filling her eyes. 'I caused Papa Mama to fight. Is it because I'm not a good girl?' Ai sobbed silently. '

"Let's go Honey." The male urged Ai's mother, stopping her from looking back.

Don't go . . . Don't leave me alone.

Ai shot open her eyes, allowing her eyes to register the dark surroundings around her. She sat up slowly, wiping off the tears and sweat that were flowing down her cheeks.  'They left me . . .  They left me . . .' Tears continued to form, paving their way down Ai's dedicate cheek. 'No more. I'm alone. It's my fault. It's my doing. It's my retribution. I can't talk. They are gone.' Depressing thoughts began to fill her mind. 'Why am I on earth, breathing and living, when I have nothing to contribute?'